17 Years

The title is not accurate for what the story entails. 17 years of hardship? just to be accurate. not all of it thankfully, but for the most of it Yes.  A chilly Sunday afternoon, Shirley just left the flat to attend Ate Delias birthday, I choose not to go with her as always.  Ever since I am extremely introvert, I still am. 17 years did something with my personality, rewired my brain in some way. I like my old self more I would say. I used to be the person who would bring the fun in anyones party, everybody enjoys being around me and I love being around people. Much simplier life before.  That will all change. Slowly at least.

Still fresh in my memories the first day I have landed into this country. Very anxious,  First time for everything it seems like.  It's even my first time to fly in a plane, first time to be in different country, first time to live in one roof with my parents. I was meeted by the airport exit gate by very excited mom and dad. Got in a private taxi with an Indian driver to get home. I sat at the front.  Dad was giving me a blue jacket thats has an imprint that says (New York) some sporty blue jacket "from your sister" he mentioned. It was perfectly fit, my sister always knows things I like. Right there I thought about her and missed her more right there. I wished she was there.

I was looking left and right staring and observing everything seems more tidy. No street children, no pile of garbage in the sides of the roads. The smell of air seems different too in my opinion.  I am looking at plants and grass and it looks like it somewhat different in some way. I am trying to absorb all of this while I am missing all the people I have left behind in the Philippines. I wanted the plane to take me back right there and then. If only I can. I am very weary of what's coming for me,  I'm not gonna lie

Around noon, We have arrived in a brown building it looks like. So this is where my parents lives. We went in and took the lift to 12 floor flat number 47. It was a small flat good only for 2 people. It has a toilet and a living room and a room, a tiny kitchen, a small storage room and that was it.   Everything is smaller than I was used to. Dad cooked some wings and rice with salad, they have a small dining table from Ikea I guessed. Clothes are hanged and I guessed drying from heating radiators. The chicken wings were delicious but didn't had much appetite for my mind is somewhere else, Inside me is saying I made a big mistake coming here a intense feeling of nervousness and sadness , now I am trapped.  I need to attend schooling in a university, I need to get in a part time job while doing Uni. In my mind, my mind is struggling to maintain all can do attitude., but slowly I am beginning to understand the reality of the situation I am in. I thought to myself. This will not going to be easy I suppose. 

 They let me sleep in the living room in the couch which is very comfy. I'm not a bed sleeper anyway.

My Life As A Chef

Year 2007, I have a job as a cook in a nursing home. How did I got this job will be another whole story to tell. Anyways. I really enjoy cooking to start the story. It's my wife Shirley who got me into the cooking job when Shirley was working in a care home with the family run care business . She was doing an NVQ course on caring for elderly and she was scheduled to do the cooking on that day because they resident cook was on leave. Shirley liked the job but she's thinking of giving the job to me because she knows I'm already tired of doing waiting jobs and she knows that I like cooking a lot and maybe she liked the idea that we will be working together in one place. I really liked that idea too, but that means she would go back to the job she hates, taking the elderly to the toilet and washing them. That's how generous Shirley is to me, She is generous generally to almost everyone.
The care home was run by a family , they were nice to me, but it seems like to the other employees they seem to be really rude and always very arrogant to their staffs and that goes to Shirley too. For some reason these 2 brothers hated the girl employees. The job was easy, it was a huge kitchen though. There were 2 dishes I have learned to cook 2 , well, the 2 brothers thought me. That was roasting a leg of lamb and shepherds pie, and while cooking I would play Coldplay in the kitchen and the brothers loved it. One day 1 of them suggested that, what if I go to a school to do a course. He said that I can make good money with this job. Shirley left the job and so did I.  I don't know if I have listened to their advice because eventually I found myself in a NVQ course in cookery in Westminster Kingsway in Victoria. I managed to get myself in a Level 2 course while doing a job in a bigger Nursing home in Vauxhall. Then I enrolled in level 3 with the same group I was with in Level 2. I have learned some stuff, and met different kinds of people. Some of them I really hate, some of them of them people that I admired as a chef. Most of them are just people that always wants to show off. I was the odd balls, the guy that is always quite in one corner. I got through it.

Then, I finally decided to  apply for a real chef job, and got a call from the Exec. Sous chef in Marriott hotels in St. Pancrass in Kings Cross for a trial shift. I remember how nervous I am. The chef made me cook a tray of rice. I didn't do well, that was expected. I was used to cook rice in a rice cooker. In a professional kitchen, they would make you cook rice in a gastronomic tray in a combi oven. That was all new to me. But I was applying for a Commis chef position so, they are not expecting that much from me anyway. I got the job, but have been assigned to do breakfast service in ala carte menu with other younger chefs. You have to get up very early, around 4:30 am and make your way to catch the night bus. I am scheduled to start at 6 am.  I didn't like most of the people I worked with in that place, it's either they are arrogant or just plain rude people. I guess it's always like that if you are new and specially if you don't know that much and considered a new fish. I proved myself and gained respect from my colleagues and became friends with some of them in the long run. I stayed in that job for more than 2 years. Then decided to leave St. Pancrass and took another  job in Marriott Hotels and gained more experience as I went on. I even joined agency jobs and have gained a lot of experience from the jobs I did. Being an agency chef is something different.  They send you in different places and different kitchens. I saw a lot of things and learned from it. But the drawback is, you tend to be get stuck with it and have been since a part time chef sort of. I noticed that I can't hold a job after that, I was always asking and demanding for better deals with it comes to jobs I was becoming a bit picky. Always not happy to where I was working. I became a bit almost like broke in a way, doing some jobs here and there but not in a full time job. Now, I'm trying to get into a new full time job that will sustain me...I hope I will find that place soon.. Shirley is always there to support me. She's always patient with me. And I loved her more for that. And they journey continues.

I shit my pants!

I was looking for the way out after watching the movie "Lucy" ,when i felt a slight grumbling inside me, it didn't worry me thinking that,  I'll just fart it out and it'll be OK and hopefully I can hold it there until I reach home and there I can deal with it...
I boarded the bus and sat comfortably with a blond beauty sitting in front of me. It's approximately 45 minutes ride and  a 10 minutes walk after I get off the bus. So I felt relaxed and just looked obliviously at the window.
Bored, I decided to take out my phone and check if someone messaged me. Checked on my facebook, nothing.
I put it away, reaching for my pocket to slide my phone in, and I felt something moved inside my belly, and very quickly it is increasingly becoming an uncomfortable feeling., something is desperately screaming to come out.  I realized that this is not a normal cramping, it is something i haven't felt in a long time, something urgent ... This turd wants to come out to see the world!!!

What do I do? I'm not even half way there. I don't see any establishment that hopefully would  have toilet seat that I need,  This is the mother of all desperations in life. Forget all kinds of bad troubles you've been in. That is all nothing compared to this. This is a matter of life or death.
I'm starting to sweat and having goosebumps everywhere my body.  I imagine my intestines are pulsating and about to burst. And every feces inside are in the cue and asking one another... " what's the hold up? " We are all ready to gooooo!!!!!!

I can't see my face but I know that I'm light-years from looking normal. I bet I was looking so suspicious like a terrorist about to press the button of the bomb strapped to my waist. I noticed an old nigerian guy is staring at me, wondering why I look like that. I looked away and try to think only nice thoughts.
In every cramps and twist my gut does,  I'm clenching my fist, cursing  every food that I ate moments ago, Damn you Chocolate Milk shake! ( that i bought in waiterose, before getting inside the cinema )  Damn you! peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! ( that I ate before I left the house ). I tried  not to make any sudden moves. I need to suck this in and pull through this situation. I tried slow breathing techniques, meditation, I prayed to Gods. Nothing worked.

This is gonna be brutal! I need to hold it in for some more minutes hoping to see any signs of a possible place where I can get off the bus and  to do serious crapping. It's still far from the nearest public toilet that I know.  This is truly a serious impending disaster, this adversity that I'm in.  Imagine,  if this load of smoldering excrement spew out of my anus? Goodbye to my social life. I need to change address, worst, I will have to leave the country. Imagine seeing your own video on you tube shitting all over the bus and people disgusted with you. That will be very disastrous.
To where i'm sitting is a beautiful blond girl ( not knowing to what I am going through ) and  in bus full of people, all equipped with their smartphones with HD capable videocams, so happy to take a video of others misfortunes, and with the few clicks and touch. I will be the next social media hit.

I was determined to sit tight and hang on for dear life. There are times that I thought it would be a bit of relief if I release some wind, but I remember a saying that says " Never trust a fart" so I suffered some more.
I felt a temporary relief when the bus finally reached a bus stop which I know I can find a toilet, maybe it a the nastiest toilet bowl in the world, I haven't been as desperate for a loo as this.
The bus stopped, I struggled to get up without exploding and keep it in. I managed to get down the stairs, and walked towards the exit door like Bambi. As soon as I got down the bus, like a pregnant woman on labor I turned my head to find a place to abort an unwanted child. Finally! I saw Sainsbury's logo! I was pretty sure that they've got a toilet inside. I need to cross the road and a good 1 minute walk to get there. This time the belly grumbling is really intense, I remember that moment in time that I didn't care about anything, all of my anxiety and my worries in life didn't exist. All I care about is to shit, and everything is just a background. I had to reach the other end of the road, I didn't care about  getting smashed by a truck trying to cross the road, as I walked the road like the terminator, there is a sense of urgency now and was determined to reach the toilet door I made it to the toilet door and was really lucky that it's not occupied. My pants down to my has got some shit in it so I carefully took it all off and finished my business in that dirty public toilet. There was a young man waiting for me to finish which I think it's not in some sort of emergency situation like me., so i made him wait for his turn and took my time. I guess he noticed that I took my shoes off because he can see it looking at the floor. He asked, " dude, why you don't have your shoes on?" I ignored him. I came out of the toilet and saw the young man with his friends giggling at one corner of the supermarket. I didn't even looked at them again, waved at Shirley who';s waiting for me and we left and I felt really relieved. I thanked God that it didn't gotten worse that it already is.

Wrinkles and Beer Belly

I woke up in a wee hour of the morning, I guess I was hungry. But before that , I went to the bathroom, took a pee and look at myself in the mirror. Checked my face, yes, there they are,  my ugly wrinkles and they are getting bigger by the day. The ones on my forehead now looks like the San Andreas fault line , I'm increasingly becoming anxious about these things, and my beer belly as well. Not so long ago, I was looking like a debonaire, back in the days, girls would go crazy about me. Those times are long gone, now I have to put up with the dilemma of getting old.  My hair is shredding like crazy, I would always worry about the amount of hair I see on my pillow and in the shower. Yes, I got the hair loss problem too. I got tired of it. I then decided to shave it all off..  No rituals, no crying like others do before they do it. It didn't took much of courage to do it. I just woke up one day, and said to myself in front of the mirror. I had it with this! I got to do something. I took the clipper and just shaved away. In an instant Now,  I look like Lex Luthor. I remember sobbing like a bitch and curled like a ball after I saw myself in the mirror.
But I stood up, I faced the mirror, I said to myself, I am who I am.  I can live with this. But it didn't work.
I still have to wear my hat every time I go out. I know,  it's so pathetic.

 But as days move on, I'm kind of coping with it in a positive tune  and I'm kind of getting used to it, I think. However, I'm keeping an eye on news of cutting edge treatments, that I heard they are getting close to solving the puzzle of men's  hair loss problems. Nevertheless I'm still aging. I hope I can reconcile myself on accepting the fact that we do get old, and say bye bye to your young looking self. And say hello to Mr. Clean look alike.

Now, back to my beer belly. I stopped drinking beer. Doing some situps and some pushups. At least I can do something about it. I hope I can carry on doing it for at least a year. I wonder what my abs would look like after a year. hmmm., something to look forward to.  I should have done this 5 years ago. But it's never too late. I'm so doing this everyday.
As with my wrinkles. Wrinkles they say are signs of wisdom. That makes me so wise then.  You see,   they really appear like the Nazca Line of Peru when I scrunch my face especially in the eyes area. I'm increasingly worried about it. But,  I'm not the type that would go and get some latest anti wrinkle free creams and skin whiteners etc. That would be so strange.

Myriad of things I realized in going through all of this. Annoyingly, they come at the same time in these stage of  my life, which is so life changing. .
Another curve ball that life throws at you. Like everybody else, You just have to cope with it and carry on living your life. I'm not bitter about it. I guess, I'm just not built to deal with this kind of ****. Like a self respecting person would do. Just go with it.

A National Heartache

A judge trying to catch Manny's head to soften the impact before it slams on the canvass

I'm sure you've heard the name Manny Pacquaio somewhere, but if happens that you've been living under a rock, Manny Pacquaio  holds the belt for 8 weight class divisions in the sport of boxing and arguably  the No. 1 Pound for pound boxer in the planet. To make his introduction short, he is  the most popular boxer of our  era. Fondly called by boxing enthusiast like me as the " Pacman",
 Americans finds him a lovable guy., most of the world wants to see him win every fight., he has been in his 16 winning streak, no wonder why fans so excited about him .  Back in the Philippines where he came from, people considers him an icon. I guess if he ever run for president, no doubt in my mind that he will win by a landslide.

December 8, 2012 in MGM Grand Las Vegas Nevada,  the unexpected happened. He got knocked out in the manner that makes a sensitive boxing fan question why he or she loves this potentially brutal sport. He got knocked out cold that he needs to be woken up by smelling salt, I thought he died there for a few seconds.
My heart fell into my stomach when I saw in slow motion how he went face down on the canvass, then motionless.
I felt so strange, I have never felt this emotion before. It seems like I just witnessed a family member die in front of me. Plainly Horrible.

Let's back up a little bit.
In the other side of the planet. Just a day before that.
A part of the Philippines has just been devastated by a very strong typhoon that caused a flash flood and killed approximately 600 Filipinos .  People in the are were evacuated to a safe zone where they can have their temporary shelter and emergency supplies of medicines and relief goods. They even installed a huge TV so people could watch their hero fight. No one of course expects anything terrible would happen. So the multitude gathered and watched.  Then it happened...
 Conveniently, the media was there as well to ask the people what they felt about what just happened.

They must have felt the same way like I did. One of them spoke and said on national TV, " this is worst than the typhoon that just hit us", - I find that very strange.  People walked out and left. I guess some of them wants that TV smashed to smithereens. Some people stayed and looked on to see if Manny was OK. While  closely attended by his team, as expected ,  he gradually woke up,. He then got back to his senses and was sat on a stool.. The people that walked out took a  glance again at the tv , and when they saw him walking around, they turned around and their faced showed a sign of relief and stayed and carried on watching.  Yes, even me.  What a relief to see that he is OK after all.

I realized that every time he wins a fight, the whole of the Philippines celebrates with him, men would take out their karaoke and sang the whole day . Something lights up in their eyes, even though they don't get any piece of  Pacquaio's winnings.  But nevertheless, Filipinos would gather around and talk about the fight, OK that's very common. What about a nation that seems to experience a heartbreak after a knockout loss? A National heartache as I call it. For me, that is something else.

One latest interview that I saw. He said that, It was a " lucky punch" that got him.  He then later apologized that he lost the fight, and then he wept... he said in a very teary eyes that he is sad because  he made the people sad by losing the fight.  He then promised that,  We will rise again.

 How can you not love this dude. ?  He is just incredibly cool!. That explains it why people adores him. He is definitely still my Champ. Through thick or thin.  God Bless you Manny.

Comfort in thought sharing

This is my first ever blog. I have always wanted to start a blog ever since blogging has been invented, but I have also been reluctant to do so because of my English language limitation. You see, English is not my first language , so, if ever you see anything that doesn't sound right in my English, I apologize as early as now. But I'll try to make this blog as interesting as possible, while avoiding to annoy you.

I heard that blogging has some therapeutic effects on some people when it comes to their mental well being.
I guess maybe, blogging can make you feel that you are somewhat sharing your thoughts to someone, something like talking to a friend when you are upset with something, it always works right? sometimes you strangely  talk about happy times and even heartaches right? and you sometimes regret it even blurting it out sometimes., but still you do it anyway, because it lightens your heart, makes you feel better.  I would say, that's my first intentions when I thought of starting a blog, finally, I have a way sharing my ideas to people, it could be boring to some readers, but I'm hoping that someone out there would find this blog interesting.  I have a feeling that this one would not only be limited on about my culinary experience only, but on the whole of my life experiences as well, something like a personal diary. I hope it serves its good purpose on me and you.

What about my Identity? . I figured that I would rather not share my personal details for now, for some personal reasons , but I hope you would still connect with me in each of my postings even though you don't have a clue the blogger is, but who really cares btw? . As we go along, you will meet some people in here, learn some dishes, get to know me as one of your fellow passenger aboard in a ship we call Earth and the wonderful journey we call life.
Maybe learn some things that you can apply in your own situation or just maybe this blog would give you the right amount of annoyance for the day.  So be it, let's start this blog .  So, stick around and experience a bit of my life.